When we open the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius we notice that he starts by listing his role models. Here are the first lines of book one:

From my grandfather Verus I learned good morals and the government of my temper.

From the reputation and remembrance of my father, modesty and a manly character.

From my mother, piety and beneficence, and abstinence, not only from evil deeds, but even from evil thoughts; and further, simplicity in my way of living, far removed from the habits of the rich.

From my great-grandfather, not to have frequented public schools, and to have had good teachers at home, and to know that on such things a man should spend liberally.

From my governor, to be neither of the green nor of the blue party at the games in the Circus, nor a partizan either of the Parmularius or the Scutarius at the gladiators’ fights; from him too I learned endurance of labour, and to want little, and to work with my own hands, and not to meddle with other people’s affairs, and not to be ready to listen to slander.

And he goes on like this for a long time. He lists his role models, but he of course also lists good qualities worth having as a human being.

I also do this from time to time. I think it’s a very good practice.

We can sit down and think about the people we know. Friends or family, neighbors or coworkers.. Just sit down and think about their good qualities. It’s a very nice way to appreciate them and be thankful for having them in our lives. It feels good to do it. (Try it!)

And it is also quite useful if we do not like a person that much.

Or when we feel envious.

Let’s say a friend of us becomes very wealthy. Sadly, as humans, we usually can’t help it and we compare ourselves to our peers. We automatically feel lowered in status. We may feel that we have less ability because we are less successful. I mean it’s official now, isn’t it. We start feeling envy and then we start looking for reasons why this person is not so great. For instance we might think: “He just got lucky.”

But that’s a very unconstructive way to approach such feelings.

Instead, we could first realize that this person has some qualities that made them our friend. And we could then try to recognize that he has some qualities that made him succeed. We could find those qualities and maybe make a list of them in the privacy of our mind. And be happy we that have someone like him in our lives. Someone who is our teacher simply by embodying these qualities.

Then the envy disappears and we wish him well. And, if we wish to, we are now free to try to be more like him. In other words: We open ourselves up to grow. And it becomes more likely that we will embody these qualities in the future, too.

Wow I am super tired. I should be in bed now. I will not be surprised if I read this again tomorrow and it’s full of errors. But whatever, I’m posting it.